Author: admin

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postage satchels

Gifting postage satchels

Having a long distance relationship really sucks. I met my girlfriend while travelling in England but we haven’t been able to move to each other’s countries since then. I’m tied down in my job (just got a promotion) and she has to care for her sick mother. I do hope to move over there eventually, but I need to stay at my job for the next little bit. Anyway, because we don’t have the taken-for-granted luxury of touch and physical affection, we can only express our love over screens. Whether we’re using skype or just sending texts. That is why I love showering her with gifts.

Postage satchels in Australia come at a good price and they’re a small price to pay to show my girl how I feel about her. However, we recently encountered a problem when I tried to send her some gold earrings. The package arrived, but it had been opened, and the earrings in the box had been replaced with a scrunched up chocolate wrapper. I felt so bad for her. Can you imagine what she must have thought upon receiving that from her boyfriend? Of course, I explained that they were earrings originally and that the package had been tampered with. She understood. But I knew that i couldn’t let something like that happen again.

I bought her a beautiful bracelet to make up for the earrings thing. This time however, I got evidence proof bags, so if anyone tries to tamper with the parcel, it’ll clearly show up. I imagine it was some crazy clerk at the post office, and if they try to tamper with an evidence bag they’ll be caught red handed!

I love my sweetheart and she’s worth all the gifts and effort I put into her. Some might say that she’s not very pretty but she certainly has that je ne sais quoi that makes a beautiful girl. She’ll look even prettier wearing all the jewelry that I’m buying for her.

Categories
window replacement

Renovating the house with window repairs

timber window replacementMy husband and I have been renovating our house over the past year or so. It was all going really well. We ripped up the old carpet and polished the floor boards. We installed a brand new kitchen and bathroom. And dividing up a large space in the house to create two new rooms — a nursery (we’re expecting!) and a bijou library with a fireplace. The house is looking really great.

We thought we were done with everything until we realised we needed window repairs near Melbourne. We stood outside the house, looking at it with arms crossed, thinking “I know it looks good but there’s something missing, something’s not right.” Finally, I figured it out. I approached the windows at the front of the house, old wooden things with splinters and decay, looking a bit gnarled with age. I said, “Joe! We need new window frames!”

It’’s the details that really make a place special. You can’t have everything all new and shiny and then these ugly old rotten window frames. It just looked wrong. I mean, you could hardly notice but you could sense that something wasn’t right. It was almost like the house was haunted, haunted by the ghosts of old unwanted windows.

Since the house was new, we considered getting aluminium frames which are apparently easier to clean and maintain. But then, we thought that the wooden style would suit the place better, so we opted for timber window repairs in Melbourne. The repairs company came over and replaced the windows in no time, so we didn’t have to deal with that hauntingly ugly old window frames for long (what a relief!)

Since then, I’ve been noticing all of these other small touch ups that we need to make. For example, the paint in the laundry is a different colour to the rest of the house, and our dart board in the recreation room is missing a circle.

Categories
appliance repair

Modern day dishwasher horror

Melbourne appliance repair man‘Modern Day Horror Stories’. That’s the topic of my favourite literary publication for next month, and I’m determined to really nail this one. See, they focus on stories that are humorous but also have heart and a real message. This time, I think it’s a topic I can really get on board with. I’m working on a piece at the moment that has a guy sitting in Sun-Quid and the Wi-Fi password doesn’t work. Thing is, he really needs to submit his essay soon, otherwise he’s going to fail the course. His phone is out of data. What will he do?

See what I mean? I don’t often get ideas, but this one really has me fired up. Another story plan I’m working on is a lazy family that just shoves everything in the dishwasher, even things they shouldn’t. One day it breaks down. The Sydney dishwasher servicing people say…they won’t be there for another two days. The family will have to hand wash their dishes, and panic ensues as they try to remember how you do that. I quite like this one, because you’ve got a range of reactions to bounce off. The father is angry at the government for not providing adequate official services, because he sees owning a working dishwasher as a constitutional right. The mother wants to be a 21st century mum with a job who doesn’t fit into the mould of household cleaner, and washing dishes seems far beneath her. The son just hates washing dishes, because it’s work and he’s a typical teenager. And their daughter is panicking at the thought of what all those soapy suds are going to do to her newly-glittered nails.

I can see this taking off. People nowadays are so dependent on their dishwashers, yet they don’t get them serviced until it’s too late. And then it’s not like anyone truly knows how to do that, either. And it’s not like Sydney dishwasher repairs can just teleport to your house when something happens, because it’s NOT  constitutional right. What will the family do? Find out, in the latest issue…hopefully.

Categories
accommodation

Moving through the wilderness to a new civilisation

It’Lorne accommodations been a long time, getting from there to here, but for me, I really feel that this is the final frontier. In these voyages, I have travelled so far, so much further than I ever thought I would. It has been my continuous mission to seek out a new life for myself and a different way of living, and although I may not have gone anywhere no man has gone before, I’ve often felt like it.

Now, however, I’m beginning to feel that it’s time to settle down. On my wanderings, I passed through a town hosting a conference, and had a very strange conversation with a man who kept proclaiming that the town had the best conference venues regional Victoria has to offer. In fairness to him, he’d had several rather large glasses of beer at that point, but his drunken raving caused me to reflect. Until that time, I hadn’t even been entirely sure I was in Victoria. I try to avoid the beaten track as much as possible, preferring to move through the bush and live off the land, but this can sometimes be a disorientating way to live.

When I enquired as to the name of the town, he looked surprised, although through the fog of hops and barley I’m not altogether surprised, and replied solemnly that it was Lorne, and that he himself was staying at the greatest of the Great Ocean Road hotels. I tried to wrestle the name of it out of him, but this task proved almost impossible. I walked the man back to his lodgings, and caught the name at the reception, but it took most of my strength just to persuade him in through the front door and I find now that it’s entirely slipped my mind.

Walking through the streets at night, Lorne had a certain ambiance I found extremely inviting. I think I shall stay here for a while.  

Categories
carpet cleaning

Little sister vs couch stains

carpet stain removal Melbourne When my sister, Simone asked me to do some baking with her, I never imagined that the house would be completely covered in cocoa by the end of our session. I had been asked over to look after my little sister for the evening. My parents were getting a hotel room for their fifteenth wedding anniversary, so of course I was happy to take care of my sister. We got along really well, even though there was a large age difference. I enjoyed spending time with her and letting my child-side come out. She loved playing dress up in my clothes and playing with makeup. I enjoyed every minute I spent with my little sister and was glad to be able to spend the night and day with her. We had managed to keep each other laughing for long enough, it was time to get out the baking equipment. When Simone had found a recipe she wanted to try, she got all the ingredients out of the cupboard and lined them up on the bench. I went downstairs to hang the clothes out and told Simone to start measuring out the ingredients to put in the bowl. I told her to be careful because mum had just had carpet steam cleaning. Melbourne was dry because of the lack of rain and the carpets had gotten dusty. Walking back upstairs, I could tell that something was wrong, it was too quiet. When I got to the door, all I could see was chocolate powder covering the floor and a little blonde head, hiding behind the couch.

My stomach dropped, this was my fault. I looked at the fridge immediately, grabbed the phone and dialed the number for the stain removers. Thankfully they had a guy in the area that could come over and get the carpets and upholstery clean. I walked over to the lounge room, surveying the damage as I tried to coax my sister out. Simone was now hiding under the couch, and refused to come out until I’d gotten off the phone to upholstery cleaners. I had no intention of punishing her, it was my fault for not keeping an eye on her. I picked up a handful of cocoa powder and threw on at her. She giggled and ran towards me with her arms outstretched.

Categories
badges

Inspector of Name Badges

nurseEveryone keeps telling me not to skip leg day. I can do what I want! I live on the third floor, so I’m usually walking up two flights of stairs at least one a day. That’s  basically leg day…every day. I have a really stressful job as well, so when I think about going to the gym after work, all I really want to do is work on what makes me less stressed. So, the rowing machine (because I can imagine lush scenery whizzing past) and the treadmill (because I can imagine I’m being chased by a land-shark).

It’s a tough job, being a name badge inspector. Loads of pressure, even though it doesn’t sound like there is, and if you get anything wrong you’re sending an employee back into the world with false credentials. One little mistake and you’re out; that’s the standard of our company, and the stress that comes with it. Today was hospital day, so I was looking at nurses name badges for practically the entire day. Doctors tend to take very good care of their own badges, always keeping them clearly visible and shining them to an acceptable degree. Maybe they just really want people to know who they are? That must be it, but nurses aren’t quite so reliable. I can’t count the times I’ve had to politely ask someone to straighten their badge, or handed them a wipe to clear off some fingerprint smudges, or asked them where their badge is only to be told some vague excuse about it being lost in the wash. I know, the washing machine claims many name tags…it is a fell beast and the bane of my job. In fact, I almost lost my own name badge in there once, and I had to rip open the door and flood the laundry to retrieve it before the ink faded. I still have nightmares about that moment.

Anyway, tomorrow is school day. Those school captain badges better be shiny and new, otherwise…ah, I’ll probably just give them a mini tutorial on how to properly take care of their name tag. I do that a lot.

-Rajesh

Categories
Ice skating

The Ice Skating Epidemic: Part 1

kids party venue MelbourneIn an unbelievable turn of events, children all over Australia are begging their parents for ice skating lessons. The huge rise in demand for ice skating tuition follows the major increase in exposure to competitive ice hockey. The United States of America, along with Canada, Russia and all major ice hockey destinations started a mass export of the sport in 2010. Australian television sets have been beaming ice hockey games to viewers at a rapidly increasing rate over the last six years, with figures peaking earlier this year. Children across the nation are begging their parents for ice skating lessons, Melbourne in particular, has been hit hard.

Industry insiders have called the ongoing obsession with ice skating an epidemic. One family in North Melbourne have reported their children are so fixated by all things ice that they have constructed an igloo in their garden and refuse to leave. Mrs. Jones spoke to us directly and said “I thought the igloo would melt when the sun came out and they would have to return inside but they were one step ahead, re-freezable ice blocks”. Sports stores across Melbourne have experienced record breaking sales of ice skates and ice hockey jerseys. Ice skating lessons are at an all time high with waiting times reaching over two months for a one on one session.

As well as the unprecedented increase in demand for ice skating lessons, ice rinks have also proved to be an extremely popular choice for kids birthday party venues. From toddlers right up to teens, parents are being hounded by their offspring to book ice skating parties. The parties are such a success that ice rinks have had to take on extra support staff to help remove children from the ice rinks at the end of the allocated session.
There has been a mass shutdown of alternative birthday party venues as there is no demand for anything other than ice skating. Multiple venues have released plans to transition into ice rinks and plans for current ice rinks to expand are being considered by city planners. For in depth coverage of the ice epidemic, please stay tuned.

Categories
Technology

Tools for the Train Tracks

trainI like trains. And what I really DON’T like? How they’ve all been replaced with modern electric ones, because in my opinion it defeats the entire purpose of a train. They might as well be big metal buses that move on a track, because to call those things trains is a mockery of the system. They’re supposed to be mighty locomotives, with men shoveling coal and steam billowing from the funnel as it lets out a mighty toot. Instead…we get the rail equivalent of smart phones.

I used to dream of being a train serviceman, with my aluminium toolbox in the olden style, pulling out gigantic spanners and fixing what went wrong with the tracks or train cars. I’ve seen them in documentaries, specifically the documentary Men on the Tracks: A History of Train Engineers. The way they used to carry around their toolboxes was fascinating: because the tools inside were so large, they had to sling the boxes across their backs and sometimes even carry them around in a kind of wagon-toolbox. It was engrossing, watching them travel on foot to where a particular piece of track might have been damaged and seeing how they fixed the problem.

Honestly, I’m still unsure about the general concept of modern toolboxes. Did you know that you can get toolbox central locking now I saw it in a massively popular and riveting documentary entitled Tool Box Central Locking: Is the Future Moving Too Quickly? I mean, what are we expecting next? A teleporter? While these inventions were made for good, I just can’t shake the feeling that we’re one step away from inventing a grey goo that consumes all life on the planet, or a massive ray gun that backfires and obliterates an entire city. I’d rather stick with my old timey aluminium accessories and a massive wrench, even though it doesn’t work on any existing train lines. Because it’s electric.

-Gunther

Categories
Technology

Our ‘Pioneering’ Tech Wedding

the internetSo, my fiancé is completely nuts! This might have been nice to know before I got engaged to her, but…well, the more you know? Actually, no, that’s a really bad thing in this instance. I mean, I knew she was into technology, but not this much. And when she gets an idea in her head it’s like her eyes mist over red and she just can’t get it out her head, or see how weird it is.

She wants a cyber-wedding. Perhaps even the first ever. No guests, no parents, no other family, just us being married via computer screen while all our guests log into the video stream. And then something about an app…she does an app design course around Melbourne, and she’s really keen on everything being apps. I’m not kidding on that one; Lucinda actually has this vendetta against all phones that aren’t Smartphones, because she thinks that apps are the way of the future. In fact, one of the first things she asked me when we met is if I had a Smartphone, and what apps I had on it. Like she was going to judge my personality by what I kept on there. That probably should’ve been some kind of warning sign, but I just wasn’t picking up on the signals. Lucinda does have some great qualities, but this time I think she’s gone overboard. I don’t mind her designing an app that turns the bouquet toss into a game, really. I think it’s really amazing how she’s able to rack her brain and come up with this stuff from scratch. I admire her for that, but…I need to talk to her about these wedding plans. I mean, she doesn’t expect us to actually not see ANY of our family except on a screen? And the suit she got for me is interesting, but I’m not sure I actually want to wear it in front of my grandmother. And my best man, Nate. I promised him he could do the job when we were six. Now he can’t be in the same room?

My web design course has helped me with a lot of stuff, but making this website for our wedding has just felt wrong., like I’m using my skills for bad stuff. I’m putting my foot down. Maybe.

-Dave (save me)

Categories
fisher and paykel

Appliances courtesy of hard rubbish

Fisher and Paykel repairsI shouldn’t be publishing this on the internet because to be honest it’s a really good idea and I don’t want other people to cash in on it. At the same time, I cannot suppress my vanity and need to boast about it online: my profitable hobby of stalking hard rubbish. What I do is I go to the part of town where the hard rubbish collection is taking place and I pick up stuff I can sell. I know, most people look at that stuff and think they can’t do anything with it. I mean, broken appliances, m
alfunctional white goods, smelly furniture. Little do they realise how much profits can be make by taking these items for free, getting them repaired at a relatively minor cost, and reselling them for a profit. It’s good business let me tell you.

I’m starting to think about whether I can go into business with one of the companies that do Fisher and Paykel repairs. Sydney has a few such companies that repair appliances, and since I call on their services regularly, why not? I guess there might be some legal reason why people can’t pilfer junk off the side of the road and resell it, I’ll have to check the facts on this point. For now, all I know is that I’m making a pretty penny.

Of course, the hard rubbish thing is more of a supplementary income. I don’t think i could do it full time. It’s lucrative but not that lucrative. It’s more something you can do part time if you enjoy it, but if you did it full time it would become a chore. I mean, I like driving out to new areas every weekend. I get to see new parts of Sydney that I haven’t seen before. Even the other day when i picked up a washing machine and had to call for ILVE repairs, Sydney was a much less foreign place to me. Maybe I can start a business about showing new taxi drivers around town, showing them which suburbs are good for customers and which have the most hooligans. I don’t know, it’s an idea.