Category: Home

Wallpaper will soon be one of humanity’s greatest assets, and that’s because it’s one of the things that makes us unique as a species.

We had a whole discussion at the club tonight, even though mankind taking its place in the galactic community is basically a given at this point and the only thing to discuss is the timeline of when it’s going to happen. I’m guessing 2082, because I’m a cautious optimist. But anyway, you’ve got a whole intergalactic community pointing their space telescopes at Earth, asking…what do they have to offer? Glass is nice, and very novel, but do they have anything else?

And I do firmly believe that wallpaper will be the thing we have to offer. Right here in Melbourne, digital wallpaper is experiencing a resurgence like never before. Everyone wants easy-to-apply wallpaper in tropical patterns, floral patterns, cute animal patterns, quadratic equation patterns…I myself just upgraded my entrance hall so that the wall is plastered with an image of an exploding neutron star. But have you ever seen alien worlds and vessels on TV? It’s all chrome. Chrome, or silver. They have no concept of decorative wallpaper, because once you become a space-faring civilisation, you sacrifice the ability to think creatively in a way that would allow you to put wallpaper on your spaceships. So, from the very moment we make first contact and the alien races come on board our spaceships, they’re going to be utterly bowled over by our wallpaper exploits. It’ll be just like on TV when a human enters and alien spaceship and they’re awestruck by the technology, except it’ll be in reverse, with aliens awestruck by our wallpaper.

Obviously it’ll have to be some sort of wallpaper that displays the bounties of Earth, so either tropical or floral wallpaper should be the standard for all spaceships. Just…palm trees and roses everywhere. It’ll make space travel a lot less tedious as well.

-Buck

Treehouses are nice, but I didn’t want the kids to have anything too ordinary. Maybe I’m just a competitive parent, but I couldn’t stand the thought of them having a few bits of wood tied together by string up in a tree. It’s unsafe, for one thing. And I’ll tell you another; it’s not much of a ‘fort’.

That’s what a treehouse is supposed to be, in my opinion. We always grew up with one in the back garden way out in the country, made of wood, and while it was alright for a time, I got bored quickly. It just didn’t feel like a hidey-hole. More like just another room in the house, with windows big enough for Mum to see what we were doing at all times.

So I’ve gone industrial. Piles of aluminium trestle ladders now fill our back garden, because I’m going to build a fortress that would make supervillains jealous. I’ve even done the calculations, and with the weight I’ll be hefting up there, the oak should be able to support it. In fact, it would support double, and kids certainly don’t weigh anything near that amount. They can have as many friends as they like up there and my engineering skills will make sure it stays. I guess it’s just a really good tree for the project, as well.

Also, I’ve got some really sturdy aluminium ladders and platforms that should get the job done nicely. I’m not about to go for the cheap option; this is as much for me as it is for the kids, so I made some investments! Hopefully they’ll be able to enjoy this tree fortress for years to come, while I can sit in the garden and admire what I’ve built. It’ll be made of aluminium platforms, so a bit hodgepodge, but…I can work with it. We’re going for substance, not style.

-Greg