Oh my goodness. The most embarrassing thing in the world just happened. My boyfriend of two years just proposed to me in front of all our friends and family and I said no! I mean, we’re only nineteen. Why would we want to get married?! He ruined such a perfect day and potentially our entire relationship just by asking me to do something that I wouldn’t do for at least another ten years. He has to be crazy, I can’t believe it.

I’ll tell you what I also can’t believe, the fact that my family and friends came along to witness it! Didn’t they think it was crazy for us to get married so young?! Why were they supportive of this instead of telling him it’s something that I’d never do?! I’m seriously dumbfounded. 

I’m so upset that he’s ruined everything. I was so happy when I saw the beautiful arch of roses and all the roses in our house. He lives with my family and me because his parents moved to the countryside. I thought it was the most romantic thing in the world, even more romantic than last year when he got me berry plants as a gift for Valentine’s Day and our one year anniversary. 

And what he did after it just makes me feel sick. I said no as soon as he began his spiel about wanting children and to start our lives together. I love him but I want to go to Europe for a couple of years and do God knows what with God knows who. I don’t want to be tied down to a boyfriend or a family by the time I’m twenty. I can’t even buy seeds online without messing it up, imagine running a family.

I don’t know what is going to happen to our relationship now. I was perfectly happy the way it was, but I don’t think it could ever be the same now that I know how intensely he feels about me.