Like many artistes I don’t make a helluva lot of money. That’s why I like to make large purchases second hand, especially when it comes to furniture and white goods. You can save a lot of money by getting pre-loved items to furnish your house with. Well recently I bought a second hand fridge. Fridges cost hundreds or even thousands of dollars when you buy them new, but I guess many people don’t want second hand fridges and they go pretty cheaply.

You get what you pay for really, because a lot of the time they’re in need of fridge repairs. In Sydney, where we live, you can find a tonne of cheap fridges but there’s usually something wrong with them, like the light doesn’t work or they smell like three-week-old fish n chips. The last one I owned was so dang noisy I couldn’t sleep at night. My hair was falling out and everything. I’d use earplugs and even knock myself out with a vanilla vodka night cap, to no avail. Eventually I got the damn thing repaired, which set me back a bit but was cheaper than a new fridge at least. That was years ago. My latest buy has a whole new set of problems…

The dang thing dates back to the seventies, so the broken freezer goes into overdrive. I might have go get my oven repairs in Sydney while I’m at it, cos that thing needs a maintenance too.

I know I should have purchased a more recent model but I couldn’t help myself. When I saw the thing going for sale on an online auction I just had to have it. The previous owner claims it once belonged to Jeffrey Dahmer. You can still see the stains where putrefaction once dripped from the decapitated heads of his victims. The stink has long gone and it’s been sterilized, now it’s just a bloody macabre piece of memorabilia from one of history’s greatest horrors.