I didn’t think anything could top that mid-season finale. And then the mid-season premiere came out, and wowzers, it’s the biggest doozy that you ever did see. The writers of Week of Our Lives are geniuses, pure and simple. It’s the only way they could possibly keep me so hooked and invested, the ONLY WAY.

Alright, so I need to toss in my predictions, because I’ll feel so smart if I get them all right. So Jamilla has inherited millions from her property tycoon stepfather, and she has her sights set on the Malone family beach villa. She’s so serious that she’s brought in no fewer than seven Melbourne property advocates to help her make the final decision, and they’ve checked out the villa to her personal requirements. Thing is, the Malone family have owned that villa for five generations! It’s a prime piece of real estate and really special to them, because back in season thirty-seven they turned it into a fort and made rudimentary catapults and trebuchets to ward off the money-grubbing land developers who wanted to raze the place and turn it into a theme park for feminists.

‘The Battle of Malone Hill’, they called it. And now they’ve had to watch as the property advocates have combed over the place, declaring that it’s fit to buy. Jamila doesn’t look like she’s letting up, because she holds a deep belief that she’s part mermaid after visiting that druid in Albajeria and she wants to make the beach house a base of operations to establish her ocean kingdom. The only hope is Allan, who owes the Malone family a favour after they bailed him out of that whole ‘duck pole dancing’ incident, and he’s handsome enough to woo Jamilla away from her dreams of conquest. What will happen? Will Melbourne’s property advocates feel a bit cheesed off at their services being required then rejected? Will Johnny overcome his addiction to melted marshmallow fluff in time to run for mayor? SO MUCH GOING ON.

-Leticia

Word of mouth is the best advertising you could ever hope for. When my sister was buying properties during her thirties, she tried a few different buyers agency until she settled on one that she really liked and stuck with. Ever since then, she’s recommended them to literally everyone she comes in contact with. Seriously, she’ll bring it up when it’s not even relevant — like if she bumps into an old acquaintance or at children’s birthday parties. She’s just nuts about them. It’s no wonder because they helped her buy her dream home and they also made her a lot of money. So when it came time for me to choose a buyers advocate around Melbourne, well I felt compelled to choose my sister’s one.

It’s no wonder good old Sis used to rave about these guys cos they really helped me out a lot. I landed myself the perfect property. It’s a big white mansion with roman pillars in the front that used to belong to a famous mafia guy in Melbourne. It’s in a really rich suburb surrounded by other mansions. Sometimes, young people come from poorer suburbs to collect junk off the side of the street when hard rubbish time rolls around. But I call the police on them cos it’s illegal. The police would ordinarily be way too busy to bother coming for such a trivial matter when people around Melbourne are getting stabbed and having domestics, but as soon as I mention the suburb that I’m in they come instantly. That’s what privilege gets you!

The buyers advocates in Melbourne CBD are really the ones to thank for my getting the chance to live in this great place and to send my children to a fancy school. Jenna has a learning disability but I expect she’ll be a precocious youngster by the time she gets to grade six and then I’ll send her to a grammar school.